#wow it looks so fun imagine actually being able to go. haha couldnt be me nope (coping)

[luminouslotuses]

how the tommyinnit tour is going:

[stellaestra]

how would stray kids interact with mc in high school if they ever met? // high school au headcanons [stray kids/reader]

pairing: skz hyung line + mc [reader]

description: who would mc interact with in high school if they ever met? what kind of interactions would they have? // bulletpoints headcanons + small snippets

genre: platonic, high school au, friendship, humour, hurt/comfort

author’s note: this could be a stand alone or not, the mc is the same bodyguard/intern au!mc...it's just a "what ifs" kinda thing, fellas

p.s. some of the scenarios are based off real life events that happened to me in high school but i overly exaggerated some of them for the shit and giggles,, tell me which event actually happened to me in the askbox lmao I'm curious

pls I'm funny i swear

cw: minor swearing, just teenagers being teenagers, idiots, mention of blood (?) uhh mentions of violence (??)

unedited

// no beta read, we’ll die like men

---

bang chan

mc is a '00 liner,

she doesn't interact with her seniors pt.1

to interact with them; it would have to be a school event or a collab project between the seniors and the juniors

possibly would be approached first by chan during sports day or a school festival for something

he thought that she's a pretty decent track runner when he saw sprint during the sports day track event

after that incident, chan would greet her in the hallways or wherever if he ever comes across her

mc would always awkwardly greet him back

“hey! you’re that really fast track runner, you did great that day!” chan complimented her in the hallways. out loud.

mc prays to whoever above there that chan would stop talking so loud as she could feel her face burn when she felt eyes on her.

cue to her awkwardly smiling at him and nodding, “yep, that’s me, yes, alright, senior chan.”

chan finds her adorable ever since that first few encounters

he also found out that she hangs out with felix just as much as he does

(love rivals (for felix) arc when)

he doesn’t know who to be envious of

that mc gets to spend so much time with lix or

felix being able to spend so much time with her

the never-ending saga

(love rivals (for felix) arc turned into possible rivals to friends arc)

(okay, im joking)

their respective friends group made a running joke

about how chan and mc are love rivals for felix

(it eventually became theirs as well)

(it's funny)

once he made her go off-tangent about felix

she was really passionate about his freckles and smile

for a moment

he really did think that she has a crush on him

no surprises there tho

felix IS absolutely cute

(friends arc?? omg, all for felix, HA)

he really really finds her adorable

he could go on for days

esp her little habit of covering her mouth when she speaks

sweater paws bc he almost always sees her with a jacket on even if it was a hot day

it's like a second skin on her

he once asked her if she ever removes her jacket

“only when im on school ground or during school events like assembly, i’ll take it off, senior chan.”

“eh? don’t you feel warm underneath that during a hot day?”

“...i do remove it sometimes, i guess...but i like wearing it bc it’s comforting.”

one time chan saw her without her jacket and wears short-sleeves uniform, he really wanted to shower her in his affections n also it’s such a rare sight that he almost couldnt recognized her

“haha hey, you didn’t wore your jacket today!”

“they’re in the laundry and...today’s a hot day...unfortunately, haah.”

he once tried to ruffle her hair but found her dodging his hand so fast at breakneck speed

that he was kinda concerned

she told him that her hair hasn't been washed yet so it's dirty

but the thing is: she told him every time he tried to ruffle her hair

“you’re not letting me pat your head on purpose.”

“senior chan, i wouldn’t do such a thing.” he noticed the little teasing smile before it disappeared.

he wondered briefly if she has always been this playful and cheeky with others her age

chan is aware that she speaks formally towards him out of habit though so he lets it slide and let her take her time growing comfortable with him.

he knew she was lying but let's her be anyway

bc she's his cute little junior

---

lee minho

another case of mc's "no seniors juniors interaction"

minho’s very attractive so mc will definitely avoid him at all cost

plus, he looks intimidating to her so bye bye

to not step on any of her classmates' landmines that has the hots for him

drama isn't her thing, she already witness a handful and even got thrown into the fire as fuel before

no thank you she liked having her life in high school as peaceful as possible

mc would make her conversations with him very short n blunt

she's not gonna catch anyone's hands today, my dudes

really, she doesn’t

minho thinks of her like a small kitten that needs to be taken care of

bc of how she always scutters away from chan whenever he’s with him

if they ever interact

it would be when the juniors have the collab with their seniors

like a science fair, where the students have to come up with things to showcase

his class coincidentally collabs with her class for that particular event

he told chan about it and he have never seen chan pout and deflate like that

the only person he does that to is felix...if not, it’s jeongin.

chan sure adores this little junior other than felix huh…

then again, felix and mc does hangout a lot and so does jisung and her

so he took this chance as to know more abt her

coughs because jisung seems to be talking a lot about her coughs

(minho + mc love rivals (for jisung) arc pt. 2 when)

(mc really about to fight 2 seniors because she's stealing their respective juniors huh)

(the never-ending saga of love rivals)

he approached her inside that shared classroom for the collab event

she looked constipated when he approached her group of friends

even more so when he directly asked for name and whatnot

it kinda made him want to tease her even more now

he found out her name and what they were planning to do

heard her cursing under her breath

he decided to join their group on the whim

found out that mc is just a little shy whenever he approached her

her friends are somewhat protective of her

he got glared at by one of them once when he wanted to greet mc in the hallways

and mc kind of hid half of herself behind them

so whenever she’s on her own, he would try to approach her as slowly as possible

like. dealing with a cat and you’re a stranger trying to gain their trust

what he never will forget nor stop teasing her was about

her spinning on her heels to walk into the direction she was previously coming from

just to avoid him

he couldn't help but find it hilarious

he won her over when he brings the topic of cats wandering around their school campus

saw how her eyes lit up brightly

“the stray cats here are fun to play with, right?”

“yeah, me and friends decided to name a few of them too!”

he mentioned it to her because he saw her playing with the cats when she was waiting for someone or when she has time to play with them during recess

and the ramblings of a high schooler about cats commences

he wasn’t bothered about how much she talked

would nod along with what she says

because wow, shes really passionate about cats

that's a huge bonus for minho

and that was how minho adopted another kitten

whenever they weren’t busy with their own things, they would play with the cats together

playdate with cats <3

she would tell him that one particular grey cat was called

“this cat’s name is miss universe! they’re so cute, right?” she picked the cat up and cuddle with it, eyes sparkling with joy

“why did you guys name them that?”

“because why not?”

“fair enough point.”

and she laughs

he was glad that she stopped being so cautious around him if he was being honest

since the way chan was talking about her so affectionately made him really curious about her

casually mentions that jisung talks about her a lot

expected her to be bashful about it

but all she does was

“oh, cool, what did he say? I’m a weeb? Hah, he’s the same as I am” + "he should've said to it my face, senior minho, hmph"

so making her flustered backfired on him

poor minho

here’s your “you tried” star

mwah

so yeah, minho adopted a new cat (his little junior)

---

seo changbin

same case as the two above, unfortunately

if they do ever interact, it's short and pleasantries

mc does kinda find him intimidating to certain extent

she's not good with dealing with intimidating looking people

but when he smiles, her shoulders feel less tense when she interacts with him

thinks of him as a pretty cool senior

he made her listen to his rap once n she told him that he's so cool n that stuck with him for days

imagine a junior telling you that you're so cool with that starry-eyed expression

your ego would go off the rooftop

after that, changbin would make it out of his way to greet her in the hallways

RAP MUSIC BUDDIES???? POTENTIAL

pat her on the head occasionally

if she doesn't dodge like hell away from his hands

“why do you keep avoiding them”

“no, don’t pat me, you’re treating me like a cat”

“I’m not?” lies, ever since minho told him that she reminds him of a cat, he really thought about it more

“you have that same look minho gives me when he tries to pat me…hyung…”

“we’re really going to make you call us oppa one day, watch us”

“um, yeah, no.”

“let your cute senior pat your head!!”

“im gonna run away!”

he knows that the younger ones in their friend group do interact with her

esp felix and jisung

for innie’s circumstances, that’s different

she does comes to him every once in awhile to abuse her title of his cute little junior to get a chance to listen to a teaser of his raps or songs he composes

found out that she does like rap songs! a lot more than he thought

they became those friends who shares new songs they found out and share it with each other

even at ungodly hours like 2am in the morning

that would not stop them

“this song reminds me of you”

“hey hey hey listen to this, psst”

“This shit SLAPS, go listen or else im gonna fight you in the school hallway, coward”

he became smug about it and boast about his knowledge to 3racha

jisung complained that he thought she only listened to anime songs or soft indie songs because he saw her playlists before

changbin told them that she has other playlists that’s for more “intense and aggressive” songs

they were floored and the conversation starts like this,

“what do you mean she likes listening to yours and ours music and raps?”

“im not kidding, she does! she even showed me her playlists that were filled with rap, rock and metal songs!!”

“my little mc? likes those songs? are you sure you’re not dreaming?”

“it’s a public playlist, i even followed her playlists”

“If you’re wrong, hyung, im really gonna fight you on this! bc I KNOW her first”

“doesn’t mean that you know her BETTER”

lots of petty bickerings

chan and jisung has a big revelation about mc that day at school

(there goes mc’s little rep within their group of friends)

he did warned them to not tell her that he told them about it and

that they actually are aware of her music taste

or else

she tried to rap really fast one time, trying to rap like how he does

he had to witness her biting her tongue live

changbin would never think someone like her would have

such a vulgar language

every profanity he knows came out of her mouth

he quickly got her something to soothe her wounded tongue

after fretting over her though, he started teasing her

relentlessly

she threatened to sue him

"I'll sue you"

"with what money?"

"my 2 fucking dollars lunch money!"

"that's not enough to pay anything, not even your attorney!"

"fight me!"

he’s that older brother figure that mc would come to whenever she has no one to tell her woes to

their relationship turned out to have lots of playful banters and teasings

he gives very comforting hugs and pats

mc doesn’t want to admit it tho

well, until, changbin caught her snuggling into his hugs one fine day

“admit it, you like them, you like my hugs”

“okay, fine, i DO like them, they’re great hugs, don’t let it go to your head.”

“I KNEW IT”

“You’re so loud, shut up, hyung!”

“OH MY GOD, YOU FINALLY ADMIT TO IT, IM GONNA TELL THE WORLD-KSDFNKSDNF-”

"FUCK- I SAID, SHUSH"

rip in peace, changbin

he didn’t expect someone like her would have so much strength to smother his mouth with her hand and shut it

the more you know

curiousity killed the cat????

---

hwang hyunjin

avoidance at all cost (pt.2) despite being in the same year

why? exhibit a: he's considered very attractive in her year and that her classmates n batch mates have crushes on him

coughs one of the school princes coughs

their batch year prince

she's really gonna swerve away from him

interactions will be kept at a bare minimum

one time hyunjin n some others wanted to borrow a textbook from their class because they have forgotten theirs n he chose hers

she could feel cold sweat forming as she feels the death stare of some of her classmates

that gta [wasted] sfx whenever ur character dies

yeah that's mc

that was probably the last time she would even think about it

when he returned it back to her, he smiled at her, the really cute eye smile and she felt like she made the target on her back bigger lol

goodbye mc you've lived a good life

your friends will definitely will play never gonna give you up during your funeral (it's a promise)

jokes aside

hyunjin would probably noticed the panicked look in her eyes and wondered why

since his friends like felix and...jisung...and seungmin are like on good terms with her

he probably wondered about it a lot

borderlines on overthinking since both felix and jisung are particularly close to her

so she should know that he’s friends with them

ever since that encounter, it would come across his head whenever he saw her hanging out freely with felix or jisung or both of them

or when he come across her in the hallways

sometimes he wants to greet her but it feels like it would scare her away

esp when she looks ready to run into the opposite direction

if he ever made eye contact with her

so his plan to befriend mc has started

tried to join into the trio hangout; jisung, felix and mc

mc never did protest his presence like at all

but does occasionally look stiff when he's near her

eventually shes comfortable enough with him

but not enough to actually hang out with him alone though

that thought kind of made him feel envious towards the other boys

and a little left out

as a teenager, he has too many emotions to handle so

jisung and felilx caught the idea and told him to let her

take her time because she kinda. shy. (???)

that didn't stop him from mulling over it tho sometimes

one day he found her waiting at the bus stop

it was in the evening, she was still in her school uniform

he was kinda on an errand run too

kinda didn’t want to sit on the same bench as her

afraid that she might run away

she noticed him standing there eventually albeit very anxiously and kinda awkward

a casual greeting slipped past her lips which shocked hyunjin to his very core

he splutters back a reply

“on an errand run, errand boy?"

"huh?"

“uh, um, pretend that i didn’t say anything.”

“right, sure, but may i sit next to you, the bus seemed to be late and my legs are kinda tired.”

“oh, uh, yeah, sure, but you didn’t have to ask, y’know?”

“well, didn’t wanna scare you off…"

“it’s nothing personal, if that’s what you’re worried about,” + “it’s just. didn’t wanna step on a landmine and the girls in our batch seemed to adore you a lot and me being close to you might set off the wrong signal…?”

“that’s absurd, you’re...being unreasonable..i mean, its none of their business-!”

“i know, im sorry, my bad, it’s not your fault either, it’s not anyone’s fault, to be honest.”

for a moment, he found her reasoning to be petty and unreasonable until it finally clicks inside her head, from her point of view when he really thought it through.

“...no wait, im sorry, i think, i kinda get why when i really thought about it.”

“yeah, it’s no biggie, don’t worry, im sorry too, we’ll both get over it”

“...um, we’re friends, right?”

“...i suppose so, if you dont mind, dummy.”

a giddy smile crossed his face while mc struggles to not stare at him looking so cute like that as she coughs into her hand, avoiding eye-contact

pretty boys have too much power in their hands

and she’s one of their fallen victims towards their charms

this isn’t fair for her heart

so when the bus arrived

they sat beside each other on the bus

hyunjin did most of the chattering while mc listens

he was so glad he cleared smth up with her

if she allows it, he would definitely tried to hug her

until he remembers that one time changbin told him he almost got punch in the face by her

when he tried doing it the first time and startled her

yeah no not now

maybe sometime in the near future, a long-awaited hug would be great

(if he was honest tho, he really wanted to cry when she told him the truth)

(it felt like a heartache)

but it’s okay now though

they’re friends now (somewhat) and that’s all that matters

---

[masterlist]

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[rqs902]

.

for a split second i actually thought tencent had bought them gifts but LOL oh its their parents that makes more sense 

ofc zzn would be with ljt’s groupppp hahahha aw im glad nana got to work with a group she had previously said she’d wanted to collab with. 

lol why do i feel like langlang is bringing all his friends and family onto this show LOL 

i cant tell if i like xiao li without bangs better, but a change isnt bad, gives him a new look 

oof the way xiao li says “im someone who doesn’t have a father” being raised by his mom and aunt and just remembers broken plates from his childhood, and left at 13?? its been 6 years?? wild 

and hyt commiserating talking about how admirably strong he thinks his mom is too but then im like wait a minute... they’re probably the two that contributed the most to making this song (well mostly xiao li) but theyre the ones whose parents didnt come, that’s sad :(

i respect xiao li rocking this bright colored hoodie in a sea of black LOL

wow i think he’s saying that music should have a personal touch to it, tell a story, and even tho growing up sometimes there are moments that aren’t happy, when you look back it may still be a treasured moment. is he talking about the broken plates? wow this just got real deep real fast and im just so intrigued by his artistic mind wow im just grateful that his group mates are really letting him drive their musical direction. i mean thats part of why hyt chose him, for his composition abilities, so im not surprised but its really so cool that his group is helping him tell such a personal story through their music 

pushu complimenting xiao li’s guitar composition in the demo and xiao li’s like im the one playing it :’) xiao li is really so talented wow

wait why did they do the elims in the middle of them making their own compositions tho? that just makes it sad that the groups that didnt make it didnt get to show their music and the reshuffled groups are at a huge disadvantage they only have 3 days left?? the timing seems bad

so basically xiao li did everything except hyt made his own drum part and they all supposedly wrote the lyrics together 

wow this song is.... oof. im still trying to process 

on a side note, i was kinda worried how mz would fit in this group but its great that he can be their bass player! and tbh im still kinda questioning xiao xiong’s singing, like it still sounded kinda pitchy to me but maybe its at least improving like gem said lol

but back to the song, when asked why a song about family isnt more warm, the way xiao li said life can be cruel but he still sees it as beautiful when he looks back and he still loves his family. i think thats why this song creates such conflicting emotions in me. its sad and even spiteful but also touching. you can feel how lonely and lost he’s been in life, but he recognizes he’s still loved. theres a lot of complicated emotions presented in the space of a few minutes (which shows how real and personal this song is) and i think i need to listen a few more times to help me digest his story. i feel like the messy, discordant chords in his piano solo represent his inner feelings and im grateful and amazed that he was willing to share his vulnerabilities so openly. 

Oof I read xiao li's weibo post about this song and it's so poetic I had to use the dictionary but oof it just made me think of hyt saying it seems like xiao li has been through a lot. I'm grateful he says he isnt lonely with the family members he loves (again sad they couldnt come support him...) I'm wondering what the meaning behind his words is when he says he still has candy and can forever be a child. At least he says he'll be happy.

OOF continuing with another sad story, man maybe its why that group of kids are so close, xu yang also talking about being raised by his mom (and zk too) from meager beginnings. kinda sad he cant perform the song himself but at least his friends can publicize it for him? i do feel like it wouldve been even more emotional for xu yang to have been in the perf himself :\ they did make it together but writing the lyrics shapes the whole message of the song. glad to see zk and jym are on good terms still and xu yang supported them to perform the song. 

well im glad to see that the adults are able to whip the kids in qiang ge’s group into shape so muji and wjy can work together lol seems like qiang ge’s learning from them and gaining confidence. oof qiang ge’s father being responsible for a family with 5 kids and always getting sick

happy to see mty so happy on stage and qiang ge so happy to see his parents and muji being so gentle with his little brother 

im tearing up at wjy talking about his grandma’s noodles and then qiang ge being all “arent my noodles good too?” I CRACKED UP HAHHAHAHAHHAHA

me watching xiao zhi’s group: wow xiao zhi is such a great older bro

AW muji’s little bro sitting at muji’s desk with the rest of the kids backstage !!! and then high fiving the kids going on stage !!!  

zhang yang’s always seemed a bit like an awkward turtle but you can tell he really loves his group mates, its sweet

oh ljt’s comment about parents gradually becoming like kids and the kids have to learn to 包容 them.... thats so real 

did nannan just walk in with a SUP DUDE.... HAHAHHAHAHAHA

nice to see jym has found peace within their group haha and not surprised ljt’s dad likes ljt’s music but zzn’s dad thinks zzn’s music is too loud L O L 

lol they said liu yang wrote the music and szb and ljt wrote the lyrics, then how come the credits have only ljt for the music and lyrics?? 

lol ljt’s dad’s singingggg hahahhah 

i teared up at szb’s mom’s words bc it must be hard for her to blame herself for everything

LOL JYM’S DAD !!! they seem to have a fun relationship. and i love how ljt saw jym sit down and immediately went to check to make sure he was okay. 

oof rip wu xing’s dad being like uh so we cared more about your older brother when you were growing up oops

but wu xing’s song may be my favorite from this ep. theyre not my favorite group, but i like this song.  

LOL zjy’s dad seems fun, why do i suddenly get the feeling thats how i imagine ljt would be like as a dad L O L 

oof hyt saying hes not surprised his dad didnt show up but he felt like something was wrong when he mom said she was sick. then asking whether parents should hide something like hospitalization from their kids... thats rough

aw muji’s mom feeling so sad for hyt and crying when saying muji would also feel like something was wrong if she hadnt shown up.. aw 

honestly i cant tell if i like muji in particular, bc there are times where i feel like his personality seems a bit unique in a way im not sure if he’d be easy to get along with, but i respect that hes repping his culture and staying strong and seems very close with his family. 

xiao xiong’s cantonese tongue twisters with the badminton LOL that made me laugh, he just seems so pure

man im sad that xiao zhi’s group is least popular, so they’ll likely be broken up. MAN if xiao zhi gets eliminated ill be sad......... hopefully he’ll get saved and jus reshuffled bc it may be cool to see him in a different context. itll be weird to imagine him as a side addition rather than the main pillar of a group tho. 

yall at this rate hyt’s group is gonna win this competition and idk how i feel about that even tho i like them. 

[kawaiibeela]

2017 in review... i guess?

so i guess im gonna do this lol... its not really a review of my year but i will talk about a few major personal things over the past few months that happened to me, LONG LONG LONGGGGG POST UNDER THE CUT

a lot of people complained about 2017 being a shitty year, a continuation for 2016..... and i thought it would be too.... and thats how it started.... i was stuck in a crappy job for 6 years.... i wanted to leave so badly but i was also scared.... scared that what if i couldn’t find anything else? scared in my skills as a graphic designer.... i hated all my work and everything i produced from that job, i got comfortable at this job.... i could come and go as i pleased, i could take any day off i wanted.... but they were toxic people, they judged me very hard for liking the things i did, they were very negative about everything, they forced stuff on me that wasn’t part of my job, they made me feel very awkward, they would make “comments” about my religion when it didn’t fit their needs...it was very uncomfortable at times.... i would just lie to myself and to other people when asked “how’s work going?” i would say “not bad, its pretty good, i’m doing some fun events” but i was slowly drowning inside.... my parents and close friends would always tell me “you need to quit!!! just quit!!! find something better!! you’re better than this place” but i never believed it..... i never believed them..... when i should have been listening to them....

i started to tell myself, this is enough.... i cant deal with this place any more.... i started to work on my portfolio website.... but i hated it..... i hated everything about it..... everything in there just reminded me of my old shitty job that i hated... all this effort put into something that i hated... because i was forced to do what the clients wanted, it was frustrating!!

a few years ago, i went to this graphic design conference that was meant to help people find jobs, i went to a portfolio review and all 3 reviewers told me the same thing, the work i put in seem forced and not my style, they said to add stuff i was passionate about and stuff that i enjoyed and my work would speak for itself, every person that i showed my arashi posters too, said it was my strongest piece.... i should use that piece for sure!!

that helped me get a sense of what i wanted!! i deleted everything from my old portfolio site, except my logo which i actually still love, i kept 1 project from my old job which was the biggest and most challenging one i worked on to show that i have real life experience.

i decided to develop my arashi project into a full campaign, i added more pieces, i designed more stuff, for the fun of it.... every weekend for a while in the spring and summer, my friends and i were meeting up at cafes to help focus on stuff, i got a lottttt done there!!! i wanted to focus on stuff that was important to me, fandoms!! duh!! arashi of course, kiramune which had recently at the time become my new loves, and oldcodex!!! i decided to try and make designs based on them for fun!! i took kirafes 2017′s design and I remade it for myself, i imagined how i wanted the goods to look, i imagined how i wanted the posters to look, the pamphlet, and it took forever, but it was fun, it was frustrating but it was rewarding to come up with something i was proud of!! something i was happy about!! something that when i talked about it, i could explain what i wanted to and why i did certain things. 

for the oldcodex stuff, i made an editorial piece, i wanted to reflect their personalities so i just kept trying different things until i was happy!! in the end it came out really great and i was able to do that piece pretty fast as well too!!

i also kept in my portfolio parts of a magazine that i had worked on.... but i wasnt happy with a lot of parts of that magazine too... so i made my own pages to “add in” about the olympics and they came out really nice!!

i was confident in my portfolio for once.... it took months and months of work.... but i was happy about it... i was proud of it.... i was excited about it.... but...... i was scared..... scared i wasnt ready for the next step.... what if i put all this effort into it and im still not good enough? how will i feel then? i also hate going to interviews because of my anxiety as well too....

but finally around the beginning of September, i was actually able to 100% complete my portfolio, my business cards and resumes were also complete...

and i was scrolling down on facebook... and one of my old friends posted something..... we were really close during college, we took graphic design together but as the semesters went on, we drifted apart as well too... it had been probably like 4-5 years since i’d ever talked to her even.... but she posted “looking for a junior graphic designer for a 3 month contract” and i kinda looked at that for a while... i messaged one of my friends about it and said “hmmmm...... my friend just posted this.... what should i do?” and she told me “just message your friend and apply!!! just do it” she gave me that push because she knew how much i hated my current job too!! 

so i messaged my friend and asked her if she could submit my resume to HR.... and she did.... that was on friday.... i was scared.... and nervous.....but then... on a tuesday after work..... my phone rang and i got a call from the company..... its a photography company here in Toronto that has locations across Canada. they wanted me in for an interview.... a what??? wait what??? an interview???? they said they looked at my portfolio and were interested....... ehhhhh??? i was in shock..... but i was so happy too!! but scared..... the last interview i went on was like 2-3 years ago and it went pretty bad......... so i had no idea how this one would go..... the HR person was really nice though... she had told me that i would be interviewed by herself, the marketing manager and the art director.... i was scared as hell..... she gave me their names so i looked them up.... the art director........ he was so good..... his website was so nice!!! i started to lose confidence again but, its funny.... he was japanese.... i thought “oh crap, what if he tries to read parts of my portfolio?” i had used japanese interviews in my kiramune project but i couldnt find stuff for each member so i just copied and pasted, i thought “hes gonna know im just making stuff up” LOL I just kept thinking of useless thoughts in my head..... but i thought.... whatever.... im just gonna do it...... my interview was on thursday, i had called my old job and told them i couldnt work that day and they said it was fine because it was a really slow time... i obviously didnt tell them i was going for a job interview.... but i went anyways, i got there really early so i just sat somewhere and went over stuff i had planned for my interview, i had written stuff down in my journal and was gonna use that as a guideline for when they asked me questions, they asked some things similar to what i had planned but they asked some different stuff too... they were so nice.... throughout the interview they had kept complimenting my stuff, they said everything flowed very nicely and they really liked me work, they had asked me how i got interested in design and i answered the most face palming thing.... i mentioned anime... and i said i used to watch anime and pokemon as a kid and i dreamt of being an animator in japan and then i was like “oh no.... i didnt just tell them im a weeb did it?” and i was like “oh god, my life is over” haha i felt really embarassed ahaha oops LOL but then they were also really impressed by that answer too.... they asked if i had any retail experience and i told them i had experience working at this amusement park after high school too and it helped me deal with customers and stuff too... this was a job i had from like 10 years ago or something, it wasnt even on my resume any more, is just one of those jobs u get to make money.... like..... i thought nothing of it..... but they were SO EXCITED about it when i told them, they were like “wow!!! thats so great!!” they seemed so intrigued in everything i said!! the HR person was like “you seem very energetic!!” and i was like really happy!! no one really compliments me or my work usually haha XD 

towards the end of the interview, they asked if i had any questions for them and i asked them 2 questions and they seemed really impressed too!! haha they were like “those are great questions” haha 

at the end of the interview, i asked for their business cards so i could email them and thank them for taking time to interview me. they thanked me and the HR person said she’d be in touch the next few days

after the interview, i messaged my friend who had helped send in my resume and she said “just between you and me, they came upstairs and i think they really like you” omggg i felt sooo happy haha

on the way home, i remember getting really lost LOL it took me almost like 3 hours to get home i think XD i ended up finding a small japanese store that i bought a bunch of stuff from ahaha

so... i waited the weekend..... it was monday.... and i didnt hear from them.... tuesday went by and i didnt hear anything, i thought i must not have gotten the job, but then wednesday again, i got an email from the HR person, asking if i could email her 2-3 references... which i had none... so i asked 2 of my old coworkers from different jobs and they replied right away too because they also knew i hated my current job ahah so i sent my references and then on thursday while i was at work... i got a call from the HR person saying “i called both of your refernces and they both said wonderful things about you so we would like to offer you the 3 month contract position” like OMGGGG i almost screamed of joy!!! i was jumping up and down outside the office haha XD 

i told this job that i would need 1 week to give my old job a heads up tho, so i could start on the following wednesday

but then i got scared again, i had to tell my current job i was quitting... i mustered up the courage and just told my one boss first, she was so happy for me, she gave me a hug and she wished me all the best too!! but then i had to tell the owner of the company and his wife, theyre both assholes so i didnt wanna tell them, but my 1 coworker helped me figure out how to tell them.... so i told them and they were unhappy but i told them id help for 1 last event (until the end of october) they appreciated that at least 

so that following tuesday was my last day being in office at that crappy job i hated!!! i literally left there SKIPPING with a HUGGGEEE grin on my face!! i would never have to go back to that horrible place again!!! omg i was soooo happy!!!!

im getting tired of writing all this now LOL so im gonna fast forward a bit, but the new job was amazing, people there loved me and they were so appreciative of me, it was a huge 360 turn!! 

i was working at this new place but then in the evenings id help at my old job by working from home, that was horrible, i couldnt deal.... after that last job at my old work was done, i told them i couldnt help out any more and theyd have to find a new designer.... after 6 years of working there.... 6 FRIKKEN YEARS!!!!!! i told them i was probably going to have my contract extended and i told her i was so excited and she messaged back saying “thats not good for us but anyway congrats” like WTF BITCH!!! I HELPED YOU OUT SO MUCH!! I WAS SO NICE TO YOU!!! GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE!!! I CANT EVEN WITH YOU!! LIKE OMG!!! i told her id send her files that i worked on and she replied 2 days later that she’ll download them later my last message to her was just “k” i was SO FUCKING DONE!!!! I HATE HER SO MUCH!!!

ANYYYYYYYWAYYYSSSSSSS...... fast forward another few weeks?months? my manager told me that she was able to get me to job full time..... FULL FUCKING TIME........ this was my first EVER full time job that related to my career, the old crappy one was never full time.... this is the first one ive had thats full time and ill get benefits and vacation and everything!! like OH. MY. GOD. i left work SOOOOOO happy!!! i actually CRIEDDDDD tears of joy!!! i couldnt believe it!!! i cant believe it!!! like omg!!! they all congratulated me!!! they were so proud of me!!! i was proud of me!!! i told my parents and i think for the first time in mine and their life, THEY were proud of me!!!! like it was amazinnnnggg!!! its still amazing!!!! we had a work lunch party and my manager was like “id like to take this time to officially tell you all that Nabeela is now full time with us” and they all raised their glasses and cheered to that too!!! like OMGGGG I WAS SO HAPPY!! (also hella embarassed since im still awkward af!!) but SO SO HAPPY!!!!

HONESTLY GUYS...... i am 30 years old now..... 30........ its NEVER too late..... nothing in life is set in stone..... no matter how 1 person does things, doesnt mean you have to be like them too....you can always do things at your own pace!!! sometimes things dont go as you imagine them but things WILL AND DO get better!!! things will be alright in the end!!! thats how i ended my 2017 and started my life as a 30 year old obaa-chan XD 

theres a lot of goals and things id like to work on for 2018 but i hope 2018 will even better for me and all my friends, family and followers!!!

if any of you actually got through all of this, then im so sorry and also thank you so much for reading LOL to all my friends who supported me through this hard moment in my life, thank you very much!! 

if any of you are curious about my portfolio, you can check it out at www.nabeelahamid.com ^__________^ thankssss!!! if any of you guys are designers too, tips or positive criticism is always welcome too!!

to all of my friends and followers who are already in 2018, HAPPY NEW YEAR AND I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR ALL OF YOU!!!!! and to those still in 2017 like me, lets bring in the new years together!!!